so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
