Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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