absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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