I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
