This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
