I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
