I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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