I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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