Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
