I just pynch a tree in the face
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's great music for shaving your balls
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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