For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize