So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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