i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
