There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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