You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
