Do you still have your period?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize