my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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