Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
