i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
