Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
