we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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