there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
