Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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