Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
