they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
