definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
