I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
