His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
