okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
