yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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