Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize
