Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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