She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
