you would pick up someone in the library
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just had sex on a roof
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
