theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
