Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
