This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
