Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
