i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
