idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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