I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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