im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
