can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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