they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
