Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A bitchslap is in order.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
