We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
