I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize