Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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