I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
