she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
