New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
there is glitter all over my balls
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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