UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My penis needs a shock collar
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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