thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize