why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize