Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
