so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
