At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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