never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Bring me that man meat
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
