Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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