You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
