So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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