remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you will always have a special place in my vag
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
pray to the hookup gods
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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