i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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