Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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