All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
