Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
