dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
